“I am an invisible man. No, I am not a spook like those who haunted Edgar Allan Poe; nor am I one of your Hollywood-movie ectoplasms. I am a man of substance, of flesh and bone, fiber and liquids—and I might even be said to possess a mind. I am invisible, understand, simply because people refuse to see me.” from The Invisible Man, prologue
People refuse to see me—see us, born females—who would just as soon leave this world than be anyone’s “female”.
Claiming Masculinity:
I claim masculinity not because I think it any more deserving to be claimed over my feminine self, but because it represents the dominant me.
I claim it because even in my earliest stages of life there was no denying it, and to claim otherwise would be suppressive.
The years have given me the necessary time to deal with and understand who I am and who I’m not. As a result, I don’t force either side, nor do I repress one over the other. In this respect, I feel a sense of autonomy that is genuine and which enables me to express myself with confidence in every aspect of my life.
Claiming Masculinity:
I claim masculinity because by claiming it I claim ME.
Some people say, but you have a child! You are not a good role model! Think about her!
I have developed into a person who lives how I feel comfortable as a parent, individual and partner. I have introduced my daughter in this gallery to show the mutual adoration, respect and love for one another that we share. She is my baby, literally. Nine years of my life wouldn’t have been nearly as happy and fulfilling if she weren’t a part of it.
My daughter accepts me, my lover respects me, my family loves me and my truest friends know my spirit. What do I have to regret and why should I live invisible or ashamed? I won’t.
And If I am still such an anomaly that society desires to reject, erase, or ignore, then so be it.
If I am to accept that this world thrives on prejudice, sexism, racism, and homophobia, then I must stand taller to live and survive it.
I must dispel the assumption that I am a product of sexual abuse, psychologically damaged, chemically imbalanced, assuming a role or pretending to be…
I must live a life that shouts: I am who I need to be and I am not fucking confused!
Claiming Masculinity:
By claiming my masculinity—I AM discovered and I AM free.
The questions are tiring. How do you identify? Are you a man or woman? Why body modify? How do ya’ll fuck? Why call yourself boi? Will you transition? What pronoun do you prefer? Are you transgender? Are you butch? And why can’t I call you giirrrl, sista or sista-girl?
So, I ask. Would I have to answer these questions if the world could see past the binary or heteronormative “standards”, look past biology, embrace differences, recognize that gender is a state of mind and therefore fluid.
Instead of preferring us to be what we’re not, respect who we are:
Bi-gender—Gender Neutral—Third gender—Two-spirited
Genderqueer—Genderbent—Transgender—Butch
Male ID’d—Transvariant—Dimorphic—Ze
If the world understood that all expressions of gender are valid and necessary, then could we live without fear of hate induced discrimination or violence?
Masculinity Claimed Me:
By claiming masculinity I make myself visible in a world that would rather not see.
Call me contrary to the facts of my masculine appearance, mannerisms, spirit or mentality, but I would rather not be referred to or thought of as a man any more than I want to have ma’am or lady related to my name or character; it just doesn’t fit. I simply am who I am, dual in my nature, spirit and definition.
“The Creator doesn’t make mistakes,” and for me that translates as: I was born in this female body for a reason. So let’s run with it. I’ve always been “different”; that is, by social standards my masculinity upsets the “natural order” of things. But why should I choose genders? The Most High made a decision and, if I were to be reborn, I’d ask the Creator to make me the same again and again, and let me handle the rest.
