Masculinity is something that was born out of me, like a second skin. We wear this outside skin to represent what we feel on the inside. I claimed my sexuality as a butch long before I actually understood what it truly meant to me. I chose to come out the closet while traversing the streets of Paris. I naturally was attracted to the traditional butch lifestyle but I did not yet know how to claim it. I came into my masculinity early in my teens being introduced to stone butches on the streets of Paris, France. I was only 17 and the baby butch of the group. We wore mostly black jeans and a black dust jacket like it was our uniform. I didn’t learn what being Butch was truly about until I lost myself on my own path busy attempting to satisfy what I thought other women saw in me. It wasn’t until I found the courage to stand up for what I wanted to look like, be accepted as and along the way unraveled layers of deep male expression.  I cut off my hair in a Caesar cut at 17 and allowed it to grow back when I returned to NY.

Upon returning, I was shocked to meet with a new style of lesbian that had made up a new standard of “no label”; wanting a woman to maintain her femininity through perpetrating a façade out of what we believed to be at the time called love. I could fake it for love, but it wasn’t truly me. Being in NYC and in trying to identify and seek relationships with a whole new mentality of “no label” women only confused me even more. I tried living that life feeling like a closeted homosexual with butch tendencies. After that failed I knew inside what had to happen. The lifestyle of being butch is not just a label but more of a state of mind. The more I tried to please what I thought others saw in me I lost more of myself on the inside. I ignored and denied myself the right to be comfortable in my own skin. 

I got it right the day the woman of my dreams called out to me one day by simply saying, “Hello butch” and from that moment I knew that this was the one woman who could see me for me. I embraced her energy and was respectful to the laws of the universe while playing out what was destined to be. My beautiful wife became a part of my own masculinity by marrying me and titling me as her hus-butch, claiming me as her male counterpart and she identifying as my feminine partner.

As a couple we founded POSITIVE ENCOUNTERS, a LGBT community-based partnership designed, initiated and facilitated for lesbians. This initiative offers interactive workshops, forums and peer trainings based on the need for POSITIVE ENCOUNTERS leading to honorable personal relationships and encounters.  We also have provided counseling with couples one on one in need of reconnecting their relationship. Practicing what we teach, we daily challenge our own communication skills with updates and reality based conversations while maintaining a positive, loving and lasting relationship.    

I’ve been married and loving this woman for seven years now and still I'm getting excited about every single moment life brings me. I work hard to provide for my family, maintaining a loving home and a welcoming space. Masculinity comes natural to me today when I walk in my skin I confirm my worth, my value and my souls direction. God shines light on my path as blessings continue to pave the way. Masculinity I’ve determined is something we as AGs need to redefine within ourselves what that looks like.

Creating Aggressive Gents assisted me with sharing my vision with other like-minded AGs. We are a newly-developed organization that addresses the specific needs of women who identify as Butch, Boi, Stud, and Aggressive, as well as FTM identified males. This group is designed to uplift and enhance as well to share and support each other in the direction of strong determined responsible women. I am dedicated to reaching out to all AGs to provide outreach and programs that will enhance and uplift us. Within the Aggressive Gents you feel the love of the brotherhood. We share life experiences with each other in order to uplift one another in our daily struggles. Aggressive Gents seeks to be a mentoring group of AGs for all ages for us to share our stories amongst each other from all walks of life. It’s the foundation on which Aggressive Gents is built that our experience brings the lessons to be taught and passed on.

I am so honored to be a part of the Claiming Masculinity Photo Project. I speak for the Aggressive Gents, for my beautiful wife Eshey and daughter Marshey, and myself: thank you to Emmanuela de Leon, a wonderful and talented photographer, supported by project director Pam, who captured a glimpse of my life to share with you. 

“What Matters Most Is How You See Yourself”

“Be Yourself! – Imitation is Suicide”

Paris