For me, masculinity has ever been a part of my soul. I had a friend once tell me, "It's a visual world..." and by that I think he meant that people's perceptions are based on what they can see. So because I was born with a female body, the world couldn't see the real me—the man inside—even if I told them I was a man.

But what's unusual about my life is that, although the world saw me as female, because of my anatomy, people somehow could still SENSE the man inside. Even before I transitioned, I would have clerks or wait staff refer to me as "sir" when I was in stores or restaurants. So maybe the world relies on more than the basic sensory perceptions after all.

I claimed my masculinity when I was 27 years old. It was as if a light at the end of a very long, dark, and lonely tunnel was suddenly drawing closer, and when I started testosterone therapy, for the first time in my life I'd finally come to the end of that tunnel. I knew—really KNEW—what happiness was. I was becoming the man I'd alway seen myself as; I was proud. I no longer had to repress the man inside. I could FINALLY be free to be...well...ME! It felt great. And I was happy to finally be able to interact with the world without the ever-present "Why don't you act more like a girl" statements being flung at me from close family. I think now they understand why...

I move through this life, always learning and growing. I've learned so much about myself. Like how sunsets are so colorful—I remember sitting and watching the sunset for hours—the colors were just so brilliant; and how bright the moon could be; and the serenity of the breeze through the leaves on an early Sunday morning when I'm walking my dogs. It's funny how gender dysphoria can stifle a person's life to the point where we can't notice even the simple pleasures. And, too, realizing that I AM valid (I'd been told all my life how INvalid anything I did or liked was, just because I was "different"); that my feelings, and needs DO count. That I AM somebody....

And yet, my masculinity isn't as influenced by some of the negative stereotypes that have been associated with being "a man." I've learned to observe how non-trans men move through the world, and tried to adopt some of the more positive aspects of masculinity, and leave behind the more negative ones. I am always "becoming me" thorough, living, and learning (and maybe one day, by loving)...

Text "Claiming My Masculinity" copyright 2007 by Dre